The last thing I want to discuss, in what seems to have become a series of posts about Life, is “personal independence”.
Before I get started, I’d like to share a link with you. The content relates well with this post – Personal Growth, Personal Independence: The Limit Is Me
If you followed the link, you may agree with the suggestion that the only person in charge of your life…is you. We can listen to other people, but in the end it is our choice when it comes to making a decision. If we allow another person to make decisions for us, that is also our own doing so we can’t complain. Of course, there are exceptions to this, but generally speaking the majority of us have control of our own lives.
I look around and see so many people unhealthily attached to someone else. They usually call this attachment…a relationship; meaning the person is their husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, or life partner – but they can’t see that they are dependent on that person.
Dependency on another person stifles a person’s growth. It affects their outlook and their confidence. It also affects the way they look at themselves. It makes them scared of things that shouldn’t even be thought of unless the thing actually happens. A person who is dependent on another is crushed to the point of believing that they cannot carry on when that person disappears from their life, ie divorce or death, whereas an independent person will still grieve, but they will be able to pick up the pieces…eventually.
My mother is dependent on my father. I know, without doubt, that should anything happen to my dad, my mum will give up on life altogether. I’ve seen it in her eyes and I’ve heard it in her voice when she thought she might loss him (medically; he’s fine now). However, if my mother goes before my father, he will be devastated but he’ll get through it. Neither of my parents planned for this to happen, it evolved over their 50 years of marriage and I doubt they are even fully aware that it occured.
In my own relationship, my partner refuses to let me become dependent on him. He wants me to be my own person and be strong for myself. He wants me to stand on my own two feet and face every obstacle head on. I could say he’s mean for doing that to me, but I know that he’s doing it because he loves me and cares about my future. If anything happened to him, he wants to know that I have the confidence to move through the grief and get on with my life (yes, he told me this).
In truth, no one should willingly give control of their life to someone else. No one should demand that of them. No one should willingly take it either. Anyone who does should have their motives questioned.
I believe that personal independence leads to the other important ingredients in life. This is what a happy life is built on. It makes for a firm foundation. And when something starts out strong there is more chance that it will survive the worst hurricane life can throw at it.
When you look in a mirror, do you like the person staring back at you?