Today, I had a “first time” experience that felt quite different to what I had imagined it would. Someone asked me to sign their copy of the anthology!
If this had happened through email or a website, I would have been fine about it, but this was a real life experience and it threw me off balance. My first reaction was one of embarrassment. I still feel shocked by that. The embarrassment was quickly followed by anxiety.
Isn’t that the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard?
I always thought that I’d feel honoured by such a request. In all honesty, I was honoured, but on this occasion the other emotions were stronger. And I know why!
I’m a shy person. In real life I don’t share much about myself freely. I certainly don’t advertise the fact that I write. And having someone confront me in a very public place with something I tend to keep private was a bit of a shock.
That accounts for the embarrassment, but what about the anxiety. Laugh if you want to, but I was worried about the actual signing of the book. I had to practice first as my pen name is not my real name. I can sign my real name without thought, but it felt foreign to sign Karen Lee Field. It felt strange and it looked strange.
However, the signing is done and the book has been returned to its owner. Now I can let those rotten emotions go and bask in the good.
I signed my first book today! I honestly cannot believe it.