It’s highly likely that no one visits this website any more. I’m not surprised and I’m not discouraged either. Blogs are only successful if the owner posts and I haven’t done much of that over recent months.
Some months ago, I clearly announced to the world that I had decided to stop writing…forever. Some caring (online) friends supported my actions, but advised me that forever is a long time and should I ever feel the need to write again then I should allow it to happen. I appreciated the words and acknowledged that I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.
At the time, I needed to walk away. I needed to free myself of guilt and/or blame. And, more importantly, I needed to allow myself the time to heal in body and mind. Now, looking back, I believe I was close to a nervous breakdown…caused by grief over one son and fear for the other. The grief will always be nearby, it is a normal emotion in life and I know I will learn to live with it (I can already feel the improvement within myself). The fear, on the other hand, was not normal and it was eating me alive. It is the fear that I had to deal with and I think I finally have.
Today, I make another announcement to the world. I feel like writing again!
This time, I’m going to be nice to myself. I will write what I want, when I want. There will be no pressure or guilt. I will use this blog as a personal diary – keeping tabs on my writing progress, but I will not veer into my personal life anymore. I will not give excuses or reasons when I don’t write. I will not feel obliged to post unless I truly have something to say. In fact, I will even go as far as to say that I intend to “clean up” this website. I have downloaded a free computer diary which I am currently copying old (more personal) posts into before I delete them. And, yes, I think I’ll change the template again. The colouring is drab and I really would prefer something happy and cheery.
Who am I? I’m a woman, a mother, a lover, a daughter, a sister, an aunt…and I’m a writer. This website is about the writer in me. It has been, and will probably continue to be, a hard road I’ve chosen, but I feel ready to follow it once again.